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In the pick-up artist community, negs are used especially when the target is perceived to be more attractive or appealing than the pick-up artist. It allows the pick-up artist to bring down the target a notch or two so that the victim feels compelled to win the predators approval or validation.
In this scenario, they know this woman is used to men fawning over her, so they neg her in hopes that she will think hes different and strive to seek his approval. While negging certainly doesnt work on everyone, there has been research that indicates that women who have their self-esteem temporarily lowered tend to find a male stranger who approaches them more attractive; both men and women with lowered self-esteem also tend to be compliant and agreeable to the requests of others (Walster, 1965; Gudjonsson and Sigurdsson, 2003).
Those with trauma histories or prior relationships with narcissists should always be wary if they are met with these types of comments and resist internalizing them. Instead, they must immediately detach as soon as such a comment is made because its likely such negging will escalate, especially if the manipulator is particularly sadistic and wants to provoke a reaction.
Consider it a compliment that they’re willing to stoop so low to bring you low – albeit, a backhanded one. In his book, The Art of Seduction, Robert Greene suggests that seducers create an aura of desirability by pretending they have many suitors (whether thats the reality or not). This involves creating a perceived sense of competition so that the target is compelled to win this highly desirable persons attention and affection.
They will often make themselves look like they are highly sought after or have many options. They manufacture love triangles by constantly bringing up their exes, people theyve dated or people who were apparently obsessed with them. They may indulge in stories about how people throw themselves at them or of being hit on excessively.
If you find that on a date someone talks at length about their former partners or those they find attractive, orthat they flirt with others around them (such as the waitstaff), consider this a major red flag. These are automatic dealbreakers because such tactics are used to dismantle and unsettle you.
Arthur Aron and his fellow researchers (1997) discovered that intimacy between two strangers could be enhanced by having them ask each other a series of personal questions. As the authors of the study note, “One key pattern associated with the development of a close relationship among peers is sustained, escalating, reciprocal, personal self-disclosure.”Narcissists use this technique to learn more about their victims weak spots to use against them in the future; pick-up artists use it to escalate sexually.
It is advised in the PUA community that such time be spent getting to know the target, disclosing things about yourself, and getting the target to disclose about themselves, with topics becoming more and more intimate. That way, the target comes to perceive you as a potential sexual or romantic partner early on.
The anchors can be anything such as specific gestures, a certain tone of voice, a scent, a physical movement or touch on a specific part of your body, a certain location, a song, a word – anything you can think of is fair game. The most effective anchors are ones that are unique (so that they aren’t indiscriminately triggered), repeated to be associated with a specific emotional state, and are conditioned during times of peak emotional intensity.
Pick-up artists may also add on physical anchoring as a way to make their targets associate their touch, voice, gestures or scent with positive memories and emotional states. For example, a woman might wear a certain delicious smelling perfume that her date comes to associate her with whenever he comes across a similar scent.
You may then decide to establish a new association to this song (doing a new memorable activity preferably when you’re in a positive emotional state which involves the song). Or, you can rework that anchor by repeatedly and actively remembering the narcissist’s true nature rather than the romantic memory whenever you hear it.
You can then create newer, healthier associations with those same environments, situations, triggers, or moods which have nothing to do with the narcissist. Manipulators only looking for sex are usually not going to be direct about their agenda unless its part of a specific script or tactic theyre using to appear dominant.
Some will even go as far as to degrade other manipulators and players as a form of grandstanding to make you believe theyre one of the good guys. This covert nice guy ploy is nothing new: covert narcissists have been using it for decades underhandedly to misrepresent their intentions and character, and to get what they want.
While anyone can be a manipulator, male or female, this particular tactic is primarily used by narcissistic males preying on female victims because it works with gender stereotypes and social norms. In this technique, a male pick-up artist wants to seduce a woman into bed. He uses his awareness of what its like to be a woman and the sexual double standards she is likely to have experienced against her to do so.
When she appears hesitant, he might say something like, You know, I can see why its hard for a woman to let go sexually. Its sad how society restricts a womans sexuality even these days. In my opinion, a woman should be able to have sex whenever she likes, whether on the first date or the ninth.
This is, of course, assuming that sexual double standards are the only thing holding her back from sleeping with him. To counteract this tactic, firmly tell the person that your decision not to sleep with him has nothing to do with sexual double standards and everything to do with your own personal comfort levels.
In order to resist being played, you have to learn the rules of the game. As manipulative as some of these tactics are, its wise to brush up on PUA terminology and narcissistic manipulation tactics in order to protect yourself. Unless you know what to look for, you wont always realize when youre having the wool pulled over your eyes and that is exactly what the wolf in sheep’s clothing is hoping for.
All opinions expressed herein are exclusively those of the author alone, and do not reflect the views of the editorial staff or management of Psych Central. Published on Psych, Central. com. All rights reserved..
Over the last decade, it has become a big business in China. Thousands of companies and websites catering to the pickup community and offering dating advice for men have cropped up. One of the biggest websites, Paoxuewang, said it had nearly two million members before it was shut down in 2018.
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